The best disgusting jokes

An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
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More jokes about: old people, doctor, viagra, sex, disgusting
Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, masturbation
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, game
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, baby
Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A: Because when their balls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, food, chocolate
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
Vote: has 58.51 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, sex, computer
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Vote: has 57.92 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, fat, animal, disgusting