Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game? A: There was a face-off in the corner.
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
What's gross? Farting in the bathtub. What's grosser than that? Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!