What's grosser than gross? When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. What's grosser than that? When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
Why are a sorority girl and a tampon similar? They are both stuck up cunts.
What has 4 legs and one arm? A Doberman in a children’s playground!
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.