"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair" Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural." The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?" Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural." Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?" Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural."
A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary? A: It runs in your genes.
Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea? A: He drowned in his own tea pe
Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.