What's red and sits in a corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
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Boy while kissing his girlfriend: "Thank u baby... For give me your chewing gum.."
Girl says, "This is not chewing gum my love. I’m suffering from cough!"
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Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
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Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.
"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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