Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
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What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
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Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like.
"A cup of boiled water please"
"Water? I thought you guys drank blood"
"Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
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There was an old married couple who love each other very much.
But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him.
The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop."
Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind.
She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while.
Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
He got a twat in the face.
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