Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A: A belly button between her boobs.
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Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis.
He says to the doctor "My penis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay?
A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
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Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
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Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar?
A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
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Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
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What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
A cancelled Czech!
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Q: Why does a dog lick himself?
A: He can't make a fist.
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What's grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
What's grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.
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