What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
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Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
A: A private tooter.
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
On the wall? Art.
On the floor? Matt.
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Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
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What do gays call hemorrhoids ?
Speed bumps.
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I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying.
Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby.
I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda."
The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'"
"No," the guy says. "My farts do."
So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside.
After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?"
The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth."
The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?"
The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"
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Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache?
A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
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What do you get when you eat a prune pizza?
Pizzeria!
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A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him.
One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned.
"Finally, some company!" he thought.
While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
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