The best doctor jokes

Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, doctor, food, death
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mother in law, life, doctor, black humor
Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Vote: has 82.68 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, nurse, phone
George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side." Bush interrupted, "Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?" The doctor replied, "That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left."
Vote: has 82.28 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, political, doctor
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”
Vote: has 82.10 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, hospital, doctor
"Doctor I feel like biscuits!" "What, you mean those square ones?" "Yes!" "The ones you put butter on?" "Yes!" "Well, that means you’re crackers!"
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, doctor
A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
Vote: has 81.59 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, time, death
Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. "I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.” The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. “Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?” “Yes. Speaking.” AEC guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!” “How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman. “Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the AEC guy. “What are you saying? It’s in your files. HOW?” “Yes. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue.” “GOD! This is too much.” “Madam, I am sorry. I am following orders. I have to inform you are overdue.” “I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow.” That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. “What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts. “Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at AEC, “It’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.” “PAY you? And if I refuse?” “Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.” “And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks. “I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.
Vote: has 81.37 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, wife, baby, doctor, phone
Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future? Jimmy: I want to be a pilot. Willy: I want to be a doctor. Mary: I want to be a good mother. Little Johnny: I want to help Mary.
Vote: has 81.29 % from 234 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, doctor, teacher
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, men, masturbation, dirty