The best family jokes

Half dressed redneck couple sitting on a couch watching the news on TV with man's arm around the woman. The man says "Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution. "We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. " "Right, Darlin." The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
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has 63.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: couple, family, redneck, relationship, travel
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
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has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: family, food, insulting
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 63.74 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the 
second fan. "If they made more of 
an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, 
I'd be supporting a decent team."
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: family, football, geography, management, sport
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: family, Fathers day, holiday
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, dirty, family, stupid
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop. Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk. The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop." The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?" The little boy again said, "No Bishop." The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?" The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: church, family, life
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, kids
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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has 61.96 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather
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