Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup and ice cream!"
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."