The best food jokes

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
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has 68.38 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
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has 68.29 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic, time
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
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has 68.25 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
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has 68.15 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: age, chocolate, disgusting, food, work
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 68.03 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food, Halloween, ugly, wife
A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" came the reply
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, life
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
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