Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water. The result is now sold as Red Bull.
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
Knock Knock. Who's there! Ice cream! Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don't let me in!
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.