The best food jokes

A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, women, husband, food, divorce
Yo' Mama is so ghetto, her wedding cake was made of cornbread.
Vote: has 67.76 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, wedding, food
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, math
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, time, food
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans... Walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group. "You can't come in here without a Thai."
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More jokes about: ethnic, food
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
Vote: has 66.88 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, bar, animal, food
Chuck Norris has his own protien powder. The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, LSD, and Vin Diesel.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
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More jokes about: animal, food
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food, animal