Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so ghetto, her wedding cake was made of cornbread.
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on da toilet it said here's a carrot and a diet coke.
Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.
Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.
Signs You're No Longer in College...
You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
Your potted plants stay alive.
You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
You attend parties that the police don't raid.
You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
You refer to college students as "those kids."
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
Naps are no longer weekday options.
Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it?
A: Cucumber, dirty people.
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America?
A: Throw a cookie into the street.