*Girl is crying* Dad: Why you crying? Girl: My boyfriend dumped me! Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him! Dad: I didn't Girl: Where did you go? Dad: To get you icecream :D Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?! Dad: So I could get it for free!
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on da toilet it said here's a carrot and a diet coke.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she uses bacon as bandages.
Life is like a box of chocolates: A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat yours too.