What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna.
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."
Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
"I’m in a big trouble!" "Why is that?" "I saw a mouse in my house!" "Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap." "I don’t have one." "Well then, buy one." "Can’t afford one." "I can give you mine if you want." "That sounds good." "All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap." "I don’t have any cheese." "Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap." "I don’t have oil." "Well, then put only a small piece of bread." "I don’t have bread." "Then what is the mouse doing at your house?"
If it were true that you are what you eat. Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.