There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke. The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?" His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
For breakfast Chuck Norris enjoys toast and jellyfish.
Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.