Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
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"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?"
"I believe he's eating your lettuce."
What is a bear's favourite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Chuck Norris can turn a vegan into a cannibal.
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