The best food jokes

Yo' Mama's breath is so nasty, it makes onions cry.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, food
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, food
Your Momma is like Burger King "Have it Your Way".
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, food
My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” “Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards. “We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, husband, business, food
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Vote: has 41.89 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, heaven, food
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, food
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, baby, food
There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his dick. He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed: Have you been doing anything unusual? And he said: No. So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks. So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked: Have you been doing anything at all unusual? And the guy said: Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching porno and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.
Vote: has 41.30 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food
What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana.
Vote: has 40.56 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, car, black people, food