The best Halloween jokes

Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, husband, Halloween
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, old people, Halloween, couple
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, Halloween, birthday, ugly
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, Halloween, health
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Halloween, party
Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Halloween, stupid
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, Halloween, black humor, teen
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer, Halloween, Christmas, geek