The best health jokes

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, political, celebrity
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, medical, student, age, health
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, ugly, health
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, ugly, health, health
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, ugly, health, health
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, medical, insulting, health
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
Vote: has 57.73 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, business, health
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, animal, health, death