Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea.
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.