The best health jokes

One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, health, fitness, wife, sex
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health, time
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
Vote: has 45.53 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, health
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, age, health, money, wife
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
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More jokes about: blonde, health
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it? The AIDS team.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
"How are your hemorrhoids?" "Swell."
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, health
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health