"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"
So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy.
The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason.
The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?"
The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
Drink water, let's surprise the liver!
An old man goes to his doctor.
The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
Vote:
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus.
That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Vote:
Two Generals were preparing for battle.
The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!"
The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform.
The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage.
The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"
Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
A: "Some asshole has my pen!"
Vote:
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank?
A: The sperm is handmade.
My Grandma is in her 90's and she still doesn't need glasses.
She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer."
Mom: "You don't have Cancer!"
Me: "So it's working..."