The best health jokes

Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, health
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, dad, masturbation, health
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
Vote: has 71.00 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, health, food
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: work, stupid, driving, health
Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
Vote: has 69.05 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
Vote: has 68.73 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, husband, business, health