The best holiday jokes

Seven days on a honeymoon make one hole weak.
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, holiday
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, holiday, celebrity
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00. George thinks for some time and answers, "I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back, that’s what I want to do." The Consul says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price." "No, it’s not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can’t take that chance!"
Vote: has 73.02 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, holiday, family, mother in law
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Vote: has 69.37 % from 180 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, holiday
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Fathers day, family, holiday
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
Vote: has 67.03 % from 999 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, Thanksgiving, holiday
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, wife, holiday, death, money
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Vote: has 65.94 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, work, winter, money, holiday