The best holiday jokes

A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, management, religious
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time. The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. "What happened to your feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease called Tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked. "Well, I also had Kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
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has 67.19 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: health, holiday, marriage, wife
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: customer service, holiday, time
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'" Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'" Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
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has 65.60 % from 403 votes. More jokes about: couple, holiday, marriage, nurse, phone
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November? A: Bomb fire night.
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: holiday, terrorist, time
A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room. I explained that was not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. "Don't lie to me," he said. "I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: customer service, geography, holiday, phone, stupid
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
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has 63.97 % from 1148 votes. More jokes about: black people, holiday, Thanksgiving
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: family, Fathers day, holiday
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: holiday, travel
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