The best husband jokes

A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"
Vote: has 64.21 % from 159 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, wife, money, time
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, women, stupid, husband
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, food, god, life, husband
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Vote: has 63.38 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, wife
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Vote: has 63.38 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, husband, time
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, work
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, husband, wife
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, husband, baby
A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too." Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?" Bernie says, "You’re going to have to help me out here a little. What’s the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?" Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me…" "Yes, yes, that’s it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife: "Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, couple, old people, age, husband
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
Vote: has 62.04 % from 428 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, catholic, marriage, kids, husband