The best husband jokes

Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.
Vote: has 76.19 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, husband, insulting
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Vote: has 75.90 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex, marriage, husband, death
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband
A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said. "Now you have to remove them."
Vote: has 75.18 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, husband
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
Vote: has 75.16 % from 129 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, husband, love
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: wife, husband, food, ugly, vulgar
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, husband, wife
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, husband, dog, animal, time
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, husband, work
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, divorce, husband, money