A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
What do you call a Scottish iPhone? An AyePhone.
Why was the computer tired when he got home? Because he had a hard drive.
God called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates to come to a conference. And when they were all there, God said, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is that I'm really fed up with the way things are on Earth; so, I've decided to destroy it. The good news is that I'm giving you one week's notice." So, Bill Clinton called into session the joint houses of Congress and announced, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Boris Yeltsin called into session the Communist Party and announced, "I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God after all. And the worse news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Bill Gates called all of his programmers, marketing experts and administrators together and announced, "I've got good news and I've got better news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth. The better news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95."
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil.
I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day. Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.