When is a farmer like a magician? When he turns his cow into pasture.
What is the definition of "moon"? The past tense of "moo"!
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise? The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.