How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
It was won by a hare.
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Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”.
The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?"
"Yes, we are. Why you ask?"
The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?"
"Yes I am!" says the mom with pride.
The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?"
"Damn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?"
The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
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A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog.
‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman.
‘No,’ replies the boy.
And the dog bites the mailman’s leg.
‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman.
‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing?
A: Because he's a little hoarse.
What do you call a show full of lions?
The mane event.
A man had a party where all the rich people attend.
And the he had a pool with alligators.
So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes.
But no one wanted to go for the challenge.
All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?"
The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!