Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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Chuck Norris sprinted 2 marathons - backwards.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris?
A: Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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He opens the door then turns the handle.
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Chuck Norris' toothpaste doesn't have baking soda in it, it has gunpowder in it.
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Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
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Chuck Norris needs no introduction, but if you need an introduction, you need Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
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The square root of Pain is Chuck Norris.
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Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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