How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.
What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit? A rubbit!
Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs? A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.” Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?” He answers, “This is the dog that killed her!” So Tom asks, “can I borrow the dog for an hour?” He responds, “Get on line!”
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.