I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."
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Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom.
Man says, "WTF?"
Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
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Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
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