Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria.
What do you call a tired cow? Milked out.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.