Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
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How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under each hoof!
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests.
A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer.
"Get to work," the store-keeper urged.
"I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared.
When this had been provided:
"Now give me a quart of whiskey."
Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly:
"Now show me the cellar."
An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store.
His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted:
"Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog.
‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman.
‘No,’ replies the boy.
And the dog bites the mailman’s leg.
‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman.
‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
What's the favourite flavour of sharks?
Shark-o-late.
Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo?
A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.