Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him. "Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed? You can smell the carrots on his breath.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
What's a rabbits favorite TV show? Hoppy Days.
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers? From professional courtesy.