I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else". The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time". The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.