I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
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The Teacher asked Little Johnny,
"How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"
Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
Are shellfish warm?
No they re clammy.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
Ground Beef.
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?
A harenet.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.