What's a pet's favorite day? Saint Petrick's Day.
Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket. A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket. A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!" The programmer smiles and walks on. Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?" "I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex.But a talking frog is pretty neat."
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
What do you call a bear with no teeth, a gummy bear!
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A: A shadow.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus.
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.