Joke #10486

How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
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has 56.50 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
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has 53.15 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, duck
A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!” Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!” Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie. The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “Bullshit, come!” Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, dog
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"  The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.  Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
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has 85.48 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's a rabbits favorite movie? Rabbits of the Lost Ark.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal