Joke #10505

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear? The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"

Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.

What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Why did the horses kept saying orange juice? Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!