Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear? The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest.
Q. What did the frog say to the fly? A. You are really starting to bug me!
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’ Boy: ‘I’m not. I’m just holding it. It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’