Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.