What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
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What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat.
The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo.
The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again.
He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
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Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"