For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers. They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find any jewelry from the girl.When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; “Did they take your new diamond ring as well dear?” “No Papa,” replied the girl with a grin, “I managed to hide it when they were searching you.” “Hide it? where?” asked the guy,” I saw them search you too.” “I slipped it into my… a… my . . .um…. pee pee place. ”said the girl shyly. “Damn!” swore the guy, “If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!”
In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.
Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.