Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
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What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence.
After a while he asks surprised:
Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs?
Because I used only one leg for the stock.
When should you feel sorry for a skunk?
When its spray pump is out of order!.
A man goes to a bar with his dog.
He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."
The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua.
The first guys sees him, stops him and says
"You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.
The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so.
They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
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