What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls? Reptiles.
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
What kind of cars do rabbits drive? Hop rods.
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
What do you call a show full of lions? The mane event.