How are skunks able to avoid danger? By using their instinks and common scents.
A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
What do cows do for entertainment? They go to the mooooovies.
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Brontosnorus.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."