How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
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What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry.
What did one skunk say to another?
And so do you.
As horses say to one another.
Any friend of yours is a palomino!
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead.
Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog.
The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head.
"There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead".
Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion.
The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat.
The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head.
"It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes.
"That will be L1000, please".
"A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man.
"Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".